Happy New Year!

If you’re reading this, thank you for coming back! I know it’s been a long time since you’ve heard from me and I’m sorry about that. But it’s a new year and we are moving forward.

A new year always seems to bring with it a flurry of activity related to making the most of the blank slate that is stretching out before us in all it’s 347 gloriously as yet unlived days (since it’s already the middle of January, I adjusted the number). Setting goals, having a focus, hitting a reset. Or even the dreaded “New Year’s Resolution”. I say dreaded, because that idea of a resolution just feels like too much pressure and I can’t even remember a single one I’ve kept or followed through on in my entire life. Ever. I gave up on them years ago.

It occurs to me that all of these are different ways we describe what is possibly the greatest invention of childhood, the do-over! You remember how this works, right? You attempt something…it doesn’t quite work out the way you planned, hoped, or boasted so you immediately yell, “DO OVER” and try it again. If you must have a more mature metaphor – in golf, they call it a Mulligan. While in golf, and sometimes in childhood, there’s usually a limit to the number of “do-over’s” one can claim in the quest for the goal before you must concede defeat/failure – the great thing about being a grown up is that you learn that there actually isn’t a limit to the number of do-overs you’re allowed as you pursue your goals and dreams.

Isn’t that amazing?!

So as we stare down the barrel of a new year, it’s time to rethink your goals. Do you have any? What about left over goals from last year? Weren’t there things you wanted to accomplish in 2018 that you’re still looking to complete? I thought so. I have them too.

Here’s what I want you to do. Yes, this post is interactive…and it’s your actions that define you not your words, so, right now, what I want you to do is:

• Get a clear picture in your mind of a goal or a dream you’ve been working toward but haven’t yet fully realized. You may have several, but only focus in on one. The first one that came to mind. Maybe it’s a business goal or a wellness goal or a relational or spiritual goal or maybe its a physical goal or challenge. Get it clear in your mind. (Feel free to grab a clean sheet of paper and write the goal down at the top of the page if it helps you.)
• Now I want you to spend a few moments thinking about all the reasons you haven’t hit that goal yet. Everything…no matter how daunting or how trivial or selfish or cliche. Even if you sound like you’re whining inside your head…start listing it out in your mind (or on the page, if you choose.). Get through them all. Get them all out.
• For this next part, you won’t need your paper. Now I want you to close your eyes (after you’ve read the instructions) and  envision all of those reasons – all of those barriers – all of those burdens – lifting off of you and your goal. Watch all of those obstacles move aside to create a clear way through. See yourself with a clear path to achieving your goal. (If you have them, and are so inclined, I encourage you to take a few drops of essential oil and breathe deeply. I would recommend something grounding or stimulating like Peppermint or Spruce. If you have it, Young Living Envision essential oil blend is ideal for this exercise.)
• Once you see the clear path, open your eyes.  

You have now shifted your mindset around that one goal in just a few moments. Well done!

Mindfulness is a concept that has become quite trendy of late. There are a lot of interesting practices associated with that word as well. And while in our day, it is easily associated with what many call the “New Age” and may make us uncomfortable, like many practices, mindfulness is actually rooted in ancient spiritual practice. Christians are even encouraged to do this throughout New Testament Scripture.  The concept of being mindful or intentional or guarding our thoughts appears in Scripture 26 times. The word actually means to direct the mind to (or toward), to seek for. We are instructed to take every thought captive, have the mind of Christ, and to set our minds on things above…

Mindset and intention are critical. There’s a reason Proverbs says “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”

As you think about a new year and new goals – or getting back on track with some old ones, here are two ideas to help us make the mulligan of this new year count for all it’s worth.

The first is Discipline. That terrible “D” word, at least it’s a word I have strong emotions around. Some people are naturally disciplined and I find that amazing. Truly. I am in awe of those among you who are able to set a course and order your steps in service to that course no matter what. Me? I have to work at it. But when we talk about a successful mindset change, discipline is key. The courage to say yes to the right things and no to the wrong things in service to your goal – whatever that goal is.  

Then comes Consistency. Consistency is sort of the other side of the coin to discipline. Consistency to keep on saying no or saying yes. Do what you need to do. In the context of your goal, what does that look like? I’ll let you in on one of mine – it’s this – the writing – consistently carving out time to shut out everything else and put fingers to keys or pen to paper. That’s how I’m going to take the mulligan here at Look Deeper Coaching and get back to helping the most people in the best way I can.

Seems simple, right?

Of course it isn’t. So that’s why I am also going to encourage you to make yourself accountable to at least one other person who you share your goal with and what steps you’re taking to move towards that goal. They’ll be able to help you say yes to the right things and say no to the wrong things – or even defend your choices when others may not easily understand. And if you need somebody to hold you accountable, email me your goal and let’s talk about it!

The last thing I will say is simply this. I’m not necessarily a deep expert in goal setting and the ideas I’ve shared with you aren’t meant to be an exhaustive list of all the ways to achieve or set your goals. What I hope I’ve done is encouraged you to find a way to be intentional in going after your goals, whatever those goals are. Even if you’ve been chasing it for years.

And I invite you – and may I even go so far as to say give you permission – to take the mulligan – as many times as you need it. Just keep moving forward.

I wrote this a couple of years ago, and I think it applies here as well. Let it be your marching orders for the new year. Join me, won’t you?

“… as I choose to shake off the dust and regret and to shut out those nagging feelings of doubt and failure. I’m choosing, instead, to set out back on the journey. I’m choosing to take action. Because I must. And because I know that I’m the only one who can stop me.” (From this post here on the blog:

If you want to learn more about Young Living Essential Oils, go here: Young Living Essential Oils

To read more about the concepts of discipline and execution, read this post: Get Your Game Face On: 4 Keys to Breaking the Slacker Cycle or check out the other content here on the blog.

If you’d like some accountability in your goals or need help finding a way forward, schedule a free discovery session by clicking on Contact at the top of the page.

The clash for power. The clash of ideals. The tipping point. The boiling point. The point of no return. Whatever you call it, the moment it erupts can have devastating consequences. That moment can also provide incredible catharsis. Often, it offers both.

Basically, it comes down to one person wants one thing and another person wants something different or has serious concerns. So you express those concerns. The other person becomes increasingly frustrated. So frustrated in fact that what follows is the not uncommon but also not productive downward spiral into defensiveness and disintegrating communication.

It may start out innocently at first. In an attempt to diffuse the tension, someone may try a retreat defense. That looks something like this: “Well, I think it’s important and I want to talk about it but if you don’t agree then I defer to you. Whatever.” I don’t know about you, but I almost instantly recognize this for what it is, an avoidance tactic.

This moment is the moment of truth. Do you wade into this or do you leave it alone? I usually wade into those waters. I respectfully ask the other person not to defer but to engage in the discussion.

Sometimes, that’s when it goes downhill.

The specifics don’t really matter. You can guess what happens next. There is a “passionate exchange” that quickly escalates into a public shouting match. In a worst case scenario, it culminates in someone storming out of the meeting altogether. Productivity dies.

The rest of the meeting becomes hesitant and awkward. The remaining party usually withdraws and offers only what is absolutely necessary instead of bringing their best. The team misses an opportunity to take their effectiveness to the next level by working through the disagreement without disintegration. It is unnecessary and unfortunate.

And ultimately, it is the leader’s fault.

The buck stops with the leader. Always. In whatever circumstance. Whether they think that or not and whether they own it or not.

In my sordid little tale, what if the leader (who stormed out) had reacted differently? What if he or she had made their case in a calm manner along with reasoned arguments that supported that position? What if he or she had taken the lead and set out a strong vision and then invited us into how to make that vision a reality? What if he or she had refused to lose their temper, no matter how frustrated they were?

I have been fortunate to work for some incredible leaders in my career. Men and women who confidently and consistently cast a vision, set the direction, and lead the charge. There were great successes achieved in those environments. I have also worked for some ineffective leaders, too. Men and women who were self absorbed, timid, and completely unsure of themselves.

And in neither case did the team ever succeed, working under whichever leader, in spite of this fact. The quality of the leader always had a direct correlation to the success of the team. Always.

What’s important to remember here is that the leader sets the tone. When there is insecurity, lack of clarity, and lack of direction, the organization struggles to know who they are meant to be and therefore, what they are meant to do. What you are left with is an organization (team, partnership, business, company) that gets in its own way and a leader who feels increasingly disconnected from the reality of a place he or she just doesn’t recognize anymore.

So, if you are a leader, take stock.  Ask yourself some important questions about the effect of your behavior:

• Who am I being as a leader?
• What impact is that having on my organization?
• Where am I not being clear?
• What are some ways I can provide both vision and direction without micromanaging?
• How can I know that I am being an effective leader?

If you are working or serving under a leader who is getting in their own way, what can you do? First of all, you must recognize there is a limit to what you can do. Ultimately, you can’t change them. The individual will have to make that choice for themselves. However, you aren’t helpless.

There are things you can do:

• You can lovingly and respectfully ask some of the questions above.
• You can send them the link to this blog (or another that you really like).
• You can choose to be very calm and clear and communicate how this leader’s behavior is impacting you and your ability to perform.
• You can walk away.

Sometimes, that’s the best thing for all involved. Don’t waste your energy  if it’s just not working. Go in search of the environment that will allow you to work at your best.

What has your experience been? When have you seen this principle play out in the real world (positive or negative)? What advice would you offer to the person dealing with an ineffective leader? 

Share your stories and I’ll write a follow up post in a week or so.

I’ve heard variations on this theme, “Life gets in the way,” a lot in my day. I’ve even said those words, “Life just got in the way” when trying to comfort myself in my own failure to achieve a goal. And today, I feel the need to call “bull” on this phrase and anyone who has ever uttered it. On myself most of all.

How, exactly, does life get in the way of life? There is no logic, beyond a self serving logic, in this concept. After all, we only have one life. This is it. One run for all the marbles. You don’t get a do-over, not really.

I have a confession to make. I’ve turned into a bit of a curmudgeon lately. Really. I am the poster child for grumpiness. I have even put myself in time out more than once in the last few weeks. There is a discontent and an anger in me that feels like it’s pegging off the charts. I mean, most men of a certain age deal with these two emotions (I’m not as young as I used to be).  I just feel it rising up in me…churning like an active volcano preparing to spew.

Losing my dad has a lot to do with this, I know. (That just happened in November. More about this in the weeks ahead.)

And losing my way in the process.

It’s been nearly six months since I published a post on this blog. There are plenty of reasons, even some pretty good ones. And LOTS of excuses. But at the end of the day, you know what got in the way? Me. I did.

That’s the whole ugly truth of the matter. I got in the way. In the two years since I published my first blog, I’ve grown to love the maddening art of writing to teach, to communicate, and to explore. I never set out to be a writer. But I needed to get a message out there. I believed I could help some people.

Looking at the stated purpose of this blog, to help myself and others to #lookdeeper, I need to dig deeper into why I haven’t published anything these past months. Where is the discontent and anger coming from? And, more importantly, what am I going to do about it? I don’t want to be content with just existing or oozing through life. I don’t want to feel like I’ve missed the mark, or missed my calling, or missed the point. And worse, I don’t want my children to miss out on their best life because I didn’t set a good example for them.

So I choose to shake off the dust and regret and to shut out those nagging feelings of doubt and failure. I’m choosing, instead, to set out back on the journey. I’m choosing to take action. Because I must. And because I know that I’m the only one who can stop me.

So here we go…with only moments to spare, I’ve met a goal I set at the beginning of February to re-launch the blog. Does it look like I wanted it to? No. Is it accompanied with the brilliant marketing strategy rolling around in my head? Not even close. But at the beginning of January, I heard God speak the word “action” over this year. I’m great with the words…but the actions, not so much. This is action. This is faith. Because, I’m the only one who can stop me.

And you’re the only one who can stop you. So where do you need to take action? What have you laid down that you need to pick back up? What have you put off starting that you need to just get moving on? When will you take that next step?

It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t even have to feel right or good. Just do something.

What needs to get done? Get after it.